Uncategorized – Page 2 – Emily Carpenter

Bathing in the Blood of Your Enemies, and Other Gentle Thoughts on the Olympics

While I’m not so much of a sports fan, I do, weirdly, love the Olympics. One reason is, unlike football games which last an eternity, the events are over in the blink of an eye. Olympic sports last from a few seconds to a couple of minutes, which works nicely with my recent self-diagnosis of being a…

Why I Support Your Goal to Bathe in the Blood of Your Enemies

While I’m not so much of a sports fan, I do, weirdly, love the Olympics. One reason is, unlike football games which last an eternity, the events are over in the blink of an eye. Olympic sports last from a few seconds to a couple of minutes, which works nicely with my recent self-diagnosis of being a…

On Missing Jesse Pinkman

I’ve been moping around lately, because I finished watching Breaking Bad over the Christmas/New Years holiday, and, since I’m that person who won’t admit it, but sort of thinks TV series characters are real, I feel so lonesome. A lot like I’ve lost my best friends. ****Attention! Spoiler Alert! Spoilers Dead Ahead!********* I miss all…

What Sheryl Sandberg and Britney Spears Have In Common

We’re edging up on Halloween, I’m reminded of how much I hate to dress up in costumes. I do. It’s not like the old days when I was a kid, and I could just rummage last minute through the dress-up box, throw on a gypsy skirt, and voila! I was good to go. If you…

Hey, 20-Year-Olds / Everybody’s Daughter, I Have a List Too.

I notice, on a daily basis, that there are lots of young girls out there who seem to be having way too much fun, dressing skimpy, letting their boyfriends text marriage proposals and just basically not displaying enough misery, negativity and cynicism as is fitting. But instead of harassing them out my car window at…

Top 10 Things I Learned in New Orleans

I realize I’m probably stating the obvious, but I went to New Orleans to visit my niece last week. If you are unaware of this, it’s because you either weren’t checking Facebook last week and somehow missed my manic updating/picture posting/commenting or you have un-friended me, because I’ve already driven you insane with previous updating/picture…

Don’t Hide the Cray-Cray

The other day I read something about how men are terrified of women’s anger. And how they generally are uncomfortable with any form of emotional intensity from us whatsoever. Or, as this article put it, they need us to wrangle our “inner Courtney Love.” Apparently, letting Courtney see the light of day puts them in…

Hey Winter, Summer’s Way Hotter Than You

I believe in the power and wisdom of gratefulness. That said, I have spent the past several months being severely ungrateful for this winter’s weather (probably because, while gratefulness is nice, I believe more in the nasty, soul-satisfying rush you get from good old complaining). On the off chance that some of you might feel…

Behold, My Glorious Solar Plexus

Today I was strolling through a department store, and I happened across a swimsuit similar to the one pictured above. A headless mannequin was wearing this one, which was probably a good thing, because if she’d had her head, the look on her face of mortification and colossal shame would’ve been unbearable to witness. I…

Sherlock, Everybody.

Last night I watched this show called Elementary, which is a police procedural about this guy named Sherlock Holmes who solves crimes along with his sidekick, Watson. It’s set in present day, and, just to set the scene for you if you haven’t had the chance to catch it, Holmes is this kind of quirky…

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